I decided to make a journal entry,
because the more I write about it, the more I come to the realization of things.
Things like, how shady people are and how stupid I can be when it comes to letting go, per se.
BUT ALSO, things like how much fun my life can be at certain points, and how lucky I am to be doing the things I do.
Hmmm. Where to start.
Maybe the "groupie" rumors/nonsense.
Yes, that sounds good to me.
My friends and I are not groupies. No where close to groupies. Never will be groupies. Can't stand groupies.
So thank you to all that talk such sillyness about us, it's fun for us to hear about it.
Second.
I HATE PEOPLE, IN GENERAL.
Hate them. hate their personalities. hate what they wear. hate how they act. hate the people who they hang out with. hate the music they listen to. Such a vague statement to make, but people bother me. and that is why I'm overly content with my like....4, maybe 5 close friends. They are all I need. They are not fake, they do not intentionally hurt people, they do not lie to me, they do not treat others like garbage, unless, well, it's necessary to do so.
Third.
Any guy I've ever met, has proven my theory to be correct. Men only want sex, only care about themselves. Have no heart, or insides. Treat everyone like garbage. and don't care if you're sobbing on your bedroom floor for hours because of something they did or said. I don't bother to get to know anyone really well, because eventually, they will let me down. I'm not all for that kind of stuff either. I like to be happy, and a majority of people I've fallen for make me very VERY unhappy, as of late. I will continue waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and even waiting some more if it means I end up the happiest I've ever been, ever. Good things come to those who wait. (nice chliche.) I'm doing just fine watching from the outside, and learning from other people's mistakes. I don't need to make my own, in this certain category, to learn what's good for me. I'll let other people do that for me.
Forth.
I live super close to Chicago. I've been there like 1948592 times in the past month. Heading that way on Thursday. I love everything about it. I love the people there. I love the scenic views there. I love the buildings there. I love the cars there. I love the traffic there. I love the diversity there. I love the shopping there. I love the windyness there. It's a great place to be, even if you're crabby as hell, or pissed off, Chicago will make you happier than ever. SUMMER '09, Chicago will have a few new residents, myself and my two bestfriends included. Time is passing so slowly........
Fifth.
I'm not sure if I have a fifth. but as i babble on about not having a fifth I might thing of one. Yes, there. got one. I like music. I like songs that mean something. I like relating my life to songs. I like taking the long way home to listen to my favorite song. I like crying to slow songs. I like when songs hurt my heart, figuratively speaking. I like when I write songs, which in reality aren't songs, they're just stupid words, that mean something to me. I like when I only listen to songs that aren't played on the radio. I like dancing to 3OH!3 and Lil Wayne and Young Jeezy. I like songs that talk about falling in love, because it gets me excited.
Sixth.
I like when people show they care. I like getting stupid messages on myspace or facebook, or texts, that make me smile. I miss getting those from certain people, and I realize those certain people aren't part of my life anymore, no matter how hard I try to make them be. Letting go is hard, but forgetting is even harder. I'm not a doormat, I'm not a stepping stone. I am, however, an easy target. The more and more I tell myself I'm strong, the weaker I get. I'm not strong, I can't depend on myself, I need others to help get me through shitty times. And I've got that to fall back on. Right now, I'm content with the social aspect of my life. I've got the only people I need, and God forbid I meet someone soon who will change the way I view everything. That's something I look forward to.
My life is ripe, and I've got a lot to learn and experience.
