alymarie's Journals on Buzznet

to sum it allllll up

alymarie — 2008-11-11T17:26:00Z

I decided to make a journal entry,
because the more I write about it, the more I come to the realization of things.
Things like, how shady people are and how stupid I can be when it comes to letting go, per se.
BUT ALSO, things like how much fun my life can be at certain points, and how lucky I am to be doing the things I do.

Hmmm. Where to start.

Maybe the "groupie" rumors/nonsense.
Yes, that sounds good to me.
My friends and I are not groupies. No where close to groupies. Never will be groupies. Can't stand groupies.
So thank you to all that talk such sillyness about us, it's fun for us to hear about it.

Second.
I HATE PEOPLE, IN GENERAL.
Hate them. hate their personalities. hate what they wear. hate how they act. hate the people who they hang out with. hate the music they listen to. Such a vague statement to make, but people bother me. and that is why I'm overly content with my like....4, maybe 5 close friends. They are all I need. They are not fake, they do not intentionally hurt people, they do not lie to me, they do not treat others like garbage, unless, well, it's necessary to do so.

Third.
Any guy I've ever met, has proven my theory to be correct. Men only want sex, only care about themselves. Have no heart, or insides. Treat everyone like garbage. and don't care if you're sobbing on your bedroom floor for hours because of something they did or said. I don't bother to get to know anyone really well, because eventually, they will let me down. I'm not all for that kind of stuff either. I like to be happy, and a majority of people I've fallen for make me very VERY unhappy, as of late. I will continue waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and even waiting some more if it means I end up the happiest I've ever been, ever. Good things come to those who wait. (nice chliche.) I'm doing just fine watching from the outside, and learning from other people's mistakes. I don't need to make my own, in this certain category, to learn what's good for me. I'll let other people do that for me.

Forth.
I live super close to Chicago. I've been there like 1948592 times in the past month. Heading that way on Thursday. I love everything about it. I love the people there. I love the scenic views there. I love the buildings there. I love the cars there. I love the traffic there. I love the diversity there. I love the shopping there. I love the windyness there. It's a great place to be, even if you're crabby as hell, or pissed off, Chicago will make you happier than ever. SUMMER '09, Chicago will have a few new residents, myself and my two bestfriends included. Time is passing so slowly........

Fifth.
I'm not sure if I have a fifth. but as i babble on about not having a fifth I might thing of one. Yes, there. got one. I like music. I like songs that mean something. I like relating my life to songs. I like taking the long way home to listen to my favorite song. I like crying to slow songs. I like when songs hurt my heart, figuratively speaking. I like when I write songs, which in reality aren't songs, they're just stupid words, that mean something to me. I like when I only listen to songs that aren't played on the radio. I like dancing to 3OH!3 and Lil Wayne and Young Jeezy. I like songs that talk about falling in love, because it gets me excited.

Sixth.
I like when people show they care. I like getting stupid messages on myspace or facebook, or texts, that make me smile. I miss getting those from certain people, and I realize those certain people aren't part of my life anymore, no matter how hard I try to make them be. Letting go is hard, but forgetting is even harder. I'm not a doormat, I'm not a stepping stone. I am, however, an easy target. The more and more I tell myself I'm strong, the weaker I get. I'm not strong, I can't depend on myself, I need others to help get me through shitty times. And I've got that to fall back on. Right now, I'm content with the social aspect of my life. I've got the only people I need, and God forbid I meet someone soon who will change the way I view everything. That's something I look forward to.

My life is ripe, and I've got a lot to learn and experience.

I'm getting there...

alymarie — 2008-07-21T20:36:00Z

There comes a point in time where you there's nothing more to do.
You can't keep trying to fix someone who is no longer fixable.

basically, what it comes down to is "every man for himself"

My mom told me the other night
"you need to focus on yourself more, and stop worrying about other people"

truth be told, that's almost impossible for me.
I've always been one to try and make everything better for everyone.
And when one person is upset, I feel like I failed.

Nothing will ever change that, no matter what.
I hate when people go against my word.
DO NOT ask for advice if you're not going to use it.

I need to learn to stop caring so much.
yeah, it's great to see all my friends and family happy,
but there's nothing great about myself not being happy.
One of my best friends always repeats to me, "you can't be everyone's best friend"
and now, I know what she means.
I can't always win with everyone.
I can't always have everyone like me.
I can't always fix everyone.

Life's tough, and I guess this is just something I'm going to have to learn to deal with.

ANYWAY.

I find myself missing people who I told myself to stop thinking about.
but it seems the more you try to stop thinking about someone, the more they pop into your mind.
I'll be fine.

I've been in Florida for the past week, and truthfully, I'm not ready to come home at all. It's been well over 100 degrees and sunny here EVERY day. I looooooove it. I met some great people, too.
one of which being Sarah, my friends step-mom.
She's currently going through chemo treatments, and is coming up to her last one on Thursday.
If you want to meet someone life-changing, meet her.
she's -hands down- one of the most amazing people I have EVERRRRRRR met.

Warped in like a weekish.
I can't wait to reunite with friends I haven't see for a real long time.
I know it'll be great.

and to end this novel, I will leave you with a few of my current favvv songs..
Skeptics and True Believers- The Academy Is...
Real- Goo Goo Dolls
Stay Together For The Kids- Blink 182
Champagne's For Celebrating (I'll Have a Martini)- Mayday Parade
Holiday From Real- Jack's Mannequin
Your Body is A Wonderland- John Mayer
Surprise, Surprise- The Starting Line.

here's to the nights

alymarie — 2008-05-23T08:29:00Z

I've let myself down.
I changed for people who no longer mean anything to me.
I've let my friends down.
I let my parents down.

False hopes kill.
There's nothing worse.
I'm not as happy as I used to be, and I hate it.

People take me for granted, and I let them.
I'm a doormat to anyone who wants to use it.
I used to be stronger, and I used to not care.

"Here's to the nights we felt alive,
here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon."

I've given up any ounce of hope I once had, and it was well overdue.
You can't count on anyone but yourself, and I realize that now, more than ever.

Everyone's a let down.

Words of wisdom for myself:
Don't rely on other people to generate your happiness, because for the few moments you spend happy, they will let you down, and you will hit the ground harder than ever.
Don't give in to someone's bullshit, in the long run, they only spoke those words, because they know the right way to use them. They never meant any thing of it.
Don't be weak, and let people take your willingness to forgive and forget for granted, you will get walked all over.
Keep the people who've been there for you when you needed it most close to heart, forget those who lie when they "promise" they'll pick you up when you're down. It's a waste of time.

"Silly me for thinking honesty is something given free."

I'm done being unsubstantial.
I've gotta grow up at some point, and realize who I need and who I don't need.
I'm filtering out the bad people in my life.

"it snowed today, it's the middle of july
I guess it's just a reminder of how cold you really are."

A list of things that bother me.

alymarie — 2008-04-28T19:55:00Z

-people who think they're cool for smoking weed on an everyday basis, and feel the need to post pictures of it everywhere.

-underage (16 and under) people who think they're cool for drinking alcohol with every meal, and before they go to bed, so they're hungover as shit when they wake up for highschool..which is the key word..highschool.

-underage girls who need BOTH hands, BOTH feet, plus they're best friends two hands to count how many guys they've had sex with.

-guys who want to accomplish "30 before 30." and if you don't get that..think about it.

-people who have a new relationship every other week because the sex wasn't good enough.

-irresponsible young girls getting pregnant, continuing to party and smoke, and not caring that they have a child growing inside of them.

-people who ask for advice, and when it's given, they get offended by it.
-don't ask then, deal with it on your own.

-people who scam money from me.

-people who look down upon me because I've got morals.

-people who look down upon me because I respect myself/body.

-people who take my generosity for granted.

BIGGEST ONE YET:
-people who take my ability to forgive and forget for granted.

and for anyone who is offended by this, sorry about it.
it's how I feel.
my opinions shouldn't matter to you anyways.

I've realized that over the years, I need to start living for me, make my own decisions.
and by watching other people make stupid mistakes, I become a better person.
so thank you for that.

Is it too soon to say perfect?

alymarie — 2008-02-24T17:39:00Z

Lately, I've been pretending I'm busy everyday. ahahah.
I made a list of things I have to do tomorrow, just to make it seem like I am.

The last two weekends have been everything beyond amazing.
Went to Nate's, never have a bad time there ever.

-HAAAAG
-Smells like poop
-Twilight zone
-Cleaning Nate's apt.
-getting unhealthy-ly drunk after 5 beers, probably even 4. ahah
-pronounced dead for ten minutes
-stealing beeeer
-getting taken care of
-Kelsey not caring that I was dying
-"Taylor Street Photography" AHAHA
-Sushi with Nate, Kristina, Kelsey and Kailee
-getting like six hours of sleep this weekend and last

I love my friends, kinda.

March 2nd- Taste of Chaos
March 8th- Bret Michaels?
March-26th-April 3rd- FLORIDA with my bestfriends.
April 3rd- AP tour
April 17th- JACKS MANNEQUIN!
April 24th- AP tour
April 25th- AP tour
May 2nd-5th- Bambooooozle!

just a FEW fun things to look forward too. ahah.

ps. X SaUll: r uz really gonna go to bamboozle becuz its gona be a smackdown probably hahahaha jeffree chasing us

PICTURES!
Me cleaning, in the background.
"across the universe is GAY!"
" Ben, you're sleeping on a dude"

Of course he didn't hit me.

Group Sociallll, minus me, who was smart and chose not to drink, hahah.

budddiessss.

nannny camzzz.

alymarie — 2007-12-12T11:20:00Z

my boring life has been consisting of starbucks apple cider, my homemade hot chocolate and reading A Million Little Pieces.

Life won't be interesting for a while, January to be precise.
COBRA STARSHIPPPP!
and i just found out yesterday, I'm going to see the Goo Goo Dolls.
you might not even know how in love I am with Johnny Rzeznik.

I'm sickkkk. and I hate it.
I can't hardly swalllow.
ouchhh.

I have interesting conversations with some weird motherfckers. ahaha.
i love rusty, and i love nanny cams.

ballsack with a bow, that's basicallly all there is to say about that.

Boston, but not soon enough! I can't wait. School's applied for, working on taking my placement test, hopefully I don't have to go all the way there for that.
party house.
New York City, just hours away.

Life is beginning to make a little more sense, and I now know where I'm going with it. I'm trying my best to please everyone I can, but more importantlly, I'm starting to please myself for once.

I'm changing, for the better.

in repair

alymarie — 2007-11-04T12:02:00Z

Life's been good lately.
I've realized many things that make me alot happier.

Tuesday, we're going down to Madison to watch our friend's band open for all time low, and to have a good time after. :]

Friday night: Leaving for Milwaukee. Staying there for a couple nights, and going to Tourzilla for a good time on Saturday. Reunion!

Sunday: Driving to Chicagooo, shopping at Buffalo Exchange! Tourzilla at the House of Blues. <3 Chicago. Always a good time, guarenteed!

November 15th: Driving to Minnesota, chillllinnnn.
November 16th: Mall of America!! so good. and Tourzilla, again. always fun.

Attempting to get into the Cobra Starship/Academy is...show, it better work out. I miss Gabbbbe! :[

I'm happy.
and right now, that's all that matters to me.

"I'm not together, but I'm getting there.."